Decisions, decisions:  

I have a final interview Monday at a well-known nonprofit doing an HR Director job in a specific subset of HR that I would really, really like-- and three people I worked with at other points are already working there and I serendipitously ran into them while I was walking wtih the nice HR Director who was touring me around.  So-- that would be wonderful, and I think that I could do a lot of good work there in a well-defined role with a boss who seems like she would be easy to work with.  It would involve roughly an hour commute, which I could probably do on the T, and I am told by the recruiter who got me in the door that they can meet my pay needs.  They have an extremely long-tenured work force-- and I've only known/heard of one person who had a negative experience there, and I don't know all the details in order to assess if I might encounter the same issues.  

On the other hand, there is the possibility of a vague, undefined job in my own city that came about completely randomly-- but it has still been super vague what I would do, and I am feeling once-burned twice-shy about not having a description for what I'd be doing and to whom I would report, and so I am feeling less than 100% about taking a job that is lacking in details.  I suppose I could just write up a proposal and have them adopt it (they have acknowledged they need an HR operations and policy person) but I am (perhaps foolishly) feeling like it's inappropriate for me to write my own job description-- or that it's hypocritical, or something, because one of the things I'd be doing once I was on the job would be nailing down job descriptions and making things more regimented, so that people are less politically-driven and more performance-oriented.  The general outline of things they need my help for are right up my alley, but there are aspects I would need to learn PDQ-- including all the ins and outs of the various union contracts.  I am also worried that I am too much of a straight shooter, and that I will be uncomfortable and feel unethical dealing with the practicalities of local politics.  I think the mayor and his team are doing important work-- I just don't know if I'm the right person.  I think I am being too formal and cautious about the city job, but after I leapt before looking this last time, I am extremely nauseous about the idea of ending up someplace where again I would be overworked, underpaid, and without the authority or resources I need to see things through.

I didn't get the other three positions I interviewed, for, though, one because I was overqualified, one because one of the interviewers and I rubbed each other the wrong way, and one because they went with someone with a few more years' experience-- all of which are reasonable reasons and not "blameworthy" on my part, but I'm beginning to feel more bummed and less neutral/OK with those decisions.  I am therefore very nervous that if I am too cautious and don't take the city job, I will have to start from scratch all over again.  Since my unemployment is still being "reviewed" because one of my former employers hasn't confirmed wages yet, I am extra nervous, because I am starting to run out of money pending unemployment kicking in.

I don't want to take the city job and then say "nope, sorry, got this other job instead," though-- I know it's OK and people do it all the time, but it bugs me.  I am worried if I say "I am not ready to make a decision yet," though, that I will shoot myself in the foot and they'll change their mind about wanting me.

Argh.  Fuckity.  Etc. 
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I have been working, more or less steadily, since I was 15.  The only time in my life that I didn't work for more than a few weeks was between Memorial Day 2009 and late August, 2009, when I had a nervous breakdown, quit my job as a lawyer, and wrote a shitload of pretty good Star Trek fanfic while being very, very depressed and trying to figure out what to do next.
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