Singleversary

Aug. 28th, 2016 01:44 pm
blcwriter: (enterprise)
[personal profile] blcwriter
Yesterday was my five year singleversary-- the day I moved out & moved on.  I think what I liked about the day was how mundane it now feels.  It's just another day, not an occasion worth marking with either celebration or grief.

It's been a few years since I felt mopey about being being separated and not being part of a couple-- the more time that passes the happier I am in my own company and the more inclined I am to do as I please and to say what I think.  I've been more inclined to set boundaries, too-- "I don't think that's funny," or "That's not my job, so-and-so can help you," or "I wouldn't really enjoy that and would be a downer, but if you would be interested in doing X or Y some other time, I'd love to get together."  I like that these things are now normal for me-- I generally like myself and am capable of being content being alone, and I am not afraid to tell people what I think.

I like that I'm older, and that sometimes I even know better now.  
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Date: 2016-08-28 06:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] weepingnaiad.livejournal.com
Boundaries are a great thing. We all want so bad to fit in, to be liked, to be loved when we're younger that we generally suck at them. And it's especially hard as women because we're supposed to be 'likeable'.

But we deserve to take care of ourselves not just others.

I'm so happy you're happy as you are, m'dear. You're pretty damn amazing!

*hugs*

Date: 2016-08-30 11:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blcwriter.livejournal.com
*hugs you back*

You deserve all the good things, darling.

Date: 2016-08-28 10:49 pm (UTC)
avictoriangirl: (avg)
From: [personal profile] avictoriangirl
Congrats on your singleversary and being able to set boundaries! And enjoy whatever makes you happy! ♥

Date: 2016-08-30 11:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blcwriter.livejournal.com
*many hugs to you*

Date: 2016-08-29 02:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] secretsolitaire.livejournal.com
Congrats to you. Sounds like you're in a good place. I am just now making baby steps in learning how to set boundaries myself. :)

Date: 2016-08-30 11:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blcwriter.livejournal.com
It's definitely a one step forward, two step back process sometimes. I am much worse about it with family. I think working on not being guilty about saying no is the hardest part of it all.

*many hugs*

Date: 2016-08-29 02:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sail-aweigh.livejournal.com
I learned a new term recently: emotional labor. Women are expected to bear the burden of all emotional labor in a relationship. Being single is like a Sisyphean stone dropping right off your back. Emotional labor is all one-way, uphill, in a foot of snow. Single is sunny skies, beach umbrellas, and a good book. It sounds like you're harnessing that energy for yourself at last; go, you!

Date: 2016-08-31 12:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blcwriter.livejournal.com
Emotional labor is HUGE. I recently did a training for our execs in emotional labor as performed by our front-line customer service staff and how race, gender, and their underpaid labor all intersect to create burnout, resentment, and turnover-- but putting the execs out on the floor and having them have to do a three hour shift while someone is throwing a tantrum at them was what really drove home the point. (...and now they are looking at raising our base wage)

Single is definitely whatever you make it, which at least is conscious and a choice. I like your Sisyphus metaphor. Very much!

*hugs*

Date: 2016-08-31 12:56 am (UTC)
fairyniamh: (Default)
From: [personal profile] fairyniamh
I am glad to hear you are getting on. I've known too many women who cannot let go and move forward.

Just don't forget to have fun while being an adult.

I had thought I friended you years ago. Evidently I am an idiot; and I didn't. Sorry!

Date: 2016-09-02 11:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thalialunacy.livejournal.com
Yessssss to this!

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