[personal profile] blcwriter


PG-13, Gen, ST: AOS, Tag fic for one of the ending scenes of Into Darkness

Kirk/Enterprise, Kirk/Everyone, Spoilers for the end of Into Darkness

No, really, major, major spoilers for the end of Into Darkness.  If you haven't seen it yet and don't want to be triggered, don't read, because I'm not going to be more specific in my warnings.

AO3 version here.

Confusion, anger, and fear.  That was what Spock said-- what Pike had felt.

He hadn’t said anything about intense fucking pain or soul-sucking regret, but then again, maybe those were finer emotions.

Somehow, he managed to crawl back to the access port, get the inner hatchway behind him.  He wasn’t counting time right, because Scotty was talking to someone on the comm, looking like-- well, like Jim was dying, and fuck, Jim didn’t want to see that look on anyone’s face, but at least Scotty had the damned sense to stay on the other side of the door.

He might have passed out just a bit, either that or reaching for the touchpad to close down that last tube entry behind him was just-- engrossing, somehow, but then Spock was there, others piling up, too, behind Scotty, but-- fuck, fuck, fuck, no, Spock definitely hadn’t picked up the goddamned sheer physical agony of actually dying while he still needed to get that last damned portway closed.

Just because he’d gotten the core realigned didn’t mean it couldn’t come out-- if it blew, that half-meter of door could be that extra twenty seconds of purchased time for someone to make it to a shuttle, and if he didn’t get that damned portal closed, he was no kind of captain at all.  Already wasn’t, but at least he could do … this.

He wished he wasn’t so... afraid, so confused about what-all he’d fucked up where to get to this point to be whining this all to Spock, here and now, but-- if that sonofabitch was going to take care of their crew, he had to know.  Had to understand why.

He tried-- tried to explain, once Spock had said Enterprise was okay, and Jim-- he could see, see all the questions but Jim had some of his own.  And if this wasn’t the way he’d have chosen to get the right kind of rise out of Spock (maybe his Gram had been right and there were some shiny things Jim just shouldn’t poke), well-- death, the final frontier, all that horrible Shakespearean shit, but-- it hurt, and there were still things to do, even-- yes-- now that he’d sealed that last door behind him-- but.

It wasn’t going to be him.  Funny to be so afraid.  Funny to be so angry that Spock-- Spock of all people was upset, crying even when Mr. Scott, Uhura, all the rest of them standing there-- he could just make them out, watching-- why were they watching when the ship was dying around them?  Couldn’t they hear it?  Even Jim could, around his own rattling breath, through the deck plates and glass doors and all around them-- even through the sound of Spock calling him friend, he could hear his ship dying, all that climbing, kicking, crawling, jumpstarting his girl back into action-- it hadn’t taken, or hadn’t sustained-- something poetic, some metaphor about Jim and the way he’d been captain.

He tried, at least, to make the Ta’al.  Wasn’t sure if he succeeded or not, not with the glass cold, so cold, the deck cold, but he tried to line his hand up with Spock's, tried, the wall hard and it hurt, his head against it and his eyes hurt, things so blurry and then-- then that hum, that hum with that microfifth treble that he’d known, always had since he’d helped bring her online, pitched the harmonics in the test bays back in the Yard...

It was good to hear her running the right way again.  She’d steady up and fly right now, his girl, bring his family home.

Funny, Spock hadn’t said anything about pea...


A/N: It remains my headcanon that Jim worked in the Yard before he was recruited. He knew just where he was going there, at the end. Not just like a responsible captain, but like a boss engineer.

Date: 2013-05-18 04:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shagungu.livejournal.com

I like this alternate take on what was going through Kirk's mind. Kirk/Enterprise is an underappreciated pairing, but so core to who Kirk is.

I went to your tumblr because I was curious what you thought of the movie -- now I kind of want to say something like "sorry you feel that way" though that is so mamby-pamby. I can't say I was left feeling like that, but maybe it is a flaw in me -- I wasn't expecting much from JJ Abrams and to me everything ended up better than I had feared. I'll try to check back after the weekend to read your more extended thoughts if and when you decide to write about it.

Date: 2013-05-18 04:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blcwriter.livejournal.com
Thanks so much for reading. My Kirk/Enterprise (also my Kirk/Scotty, but that's another thing altogether) feelings were way off the charts with this movie.

I can allow that there are lots of things that I did like about the movie that weren't just the actors being amazeballs, and once I'm done being pissed off about what I think is sloppy writing, dumb action shit cop-outs and various -isms and lies (and seen the movie again, because yeah, I'm going to see it again) there were lots of good, even perfect moments-- I just hated all the action juggernaut stuff and the plot holes, plus a few other Bechdel test things that made me see red. I knew it was going to be a explodathon, but I somehow didn't expect some of the things that happened, which maybe is me being naive. : /

But yes. Kirk/Enterprise, along with Kirk/Everyone. I felt like they did get that bit very much right.

Date: 2013-05-18 05:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shagungu.livejournal.com
Kirk/Scotty was one of the great surprises of the film for me.

I went into the film expecting that they would have to spend a majority of it on stupid action shots because of the reality of Hollywood today, and was hoping for just a few great scenes that could inspire fans to write great fic. With my lowered expectations, I was delighted by the character interactions we did get. I actually think Into Darkness was much better than the previous film at avoiding really awful plot devices and unnecessary action (like why did they waste time having Kirk being chased by the snowmonster on Delta Vega, instead of giving us more time with Kirk interacting with Spock!Prime, or anyone else...), and did a much better job letting some of the characters shine (Uhura, Scotty, and Chekov in particular). Of course, that makes me think -- why aren't we furious about the state of Hollywood and that SF films have to be action films in order to get made? I'd love to see a really thinky film with deep themes and great characters (men and women both)..... or better yet a miniseries!

Date: 2013-05-19 11:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blcwriter.livejournal.com
The Kirk/Scotty and the Kirk/Spock/Uhura were surprises for me, and the evolving K/S/M/U toward the end, too. I have always wanted Kirk and Uhura to be BFFs, because space captains can't life on physician sass and bourbon alone, so I was really, really glad to see that he and Uhura (especially Uhura) had risen to a level of like and respect for one another. : )

The things that this cast could do in a one-hour series. Not that it would happen. But still.

Date: 2013-05-18 06:19 pm (UTC)
ext_409703: (Don't Go where I Can't Follow)
From: [identity profile] caitri.livejournal.com
Okay that engineering headcanon is BEAUTIFUL! (And the fic is well done, too. ;)) <3333333

Date: 2013-05-19 11:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blcwriter.livejournal.com
Thank you, sweetheart!
(deleted comment)

Date: 2013-05-19 11:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blcwriter.livejournal.com
Thank you!

Date: 2013-05-19 10:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] damietta.livejournal.com
His first love is and shall always be the Enterprise. And, it is the only time I get teary eyes is when she first appears in any film.

Kirk's family always starts with her...and your fic perfectly captures it. Thank you!

Date: 2013-05-21 12:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blcwriter.livejournal.com
I totally snorfle every time that damned beautiful ship appears. And Jim does, too, dangit. Thank you so much!

Date: 2013-05-20 07:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] weepingnaiad.livejournal.com
Beautifully done, as ever. I accept your headcanon for Jim because it makes sense and feels right for him.


Date: 2013-05-21 12:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blcwriter.livejournal.com
So many squishes for you, my darling.

Date: 2013-05-24 06:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] january-snow.livejournal.com
oh, how i have missed your writing.

love your imagination, of how you give this scene a different spin.

Date: 2013-05-25 04:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blcwriter.livejournal.com
Thank you!

I don't have K/S goggles, though of course I could see the fanservice nods in the movie, and I don't begrudge the characters the friendship they might find after this movie (although ask me about my Kirk/Scotty feelings as well as my Kirk/Spock/Uhura/McCoy feelings after this movie, no, really), but yeah-- I didn't see the through-the-containment-glass moment as this big emotional moment of *sigh, t'hy'la 5eva*, not yet.

Spock was only realizing what it all meant, Jim was *cough* DYING and feeling very much like a big fucking failure and very much, I thought, in the mindset of needing to pass on one last bit of information he thought might help his crew & help Spock. It wasn't a soulmates communing kind of a moment-- it was frustration and worry and Jim being the captain he always has been, even if he didn't believe it himself. : /

Because in the end, my feelings Star Trek feelings can always be summed up as JIM JIM JIM JIM. : )

Thank you for reading, m'dear.

Date: 2013-05-30 04:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] january-snow.livejournal.com
saw it for the second time a couple of days ago and when Jim was dying this fic was cycling through my head.

this is now totes canon for me, Jim being happy that his girl and his family are ok when she hums back online. thank you!!!

Date: 2013-05-29 06:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sangueuk.livejournal.com
then that hum, that hum with that microfifth treble that he’d known, always had since he’d helped bring her online, pitched the harmonics in the test bays back in the Yard... le sigh - I love this idea!

Good to have you back, bb, the place hasn't felt right without you <3 <3

Date: 2013-05-30 02:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blcwriter.livejournal.com

(snuggles you tightly, and thank you, honey, so much.)

One of these days I'll write the premovie fic, the epic tale of Jim and Winona arguing about where to put the bathrooms and the rec rooms and the 'ponics deck because MOM NO YOU PUT THE 'PONICS ABOVE THE POOL IN CASE THERE'S A LEAK C'MON, CHLORINE and who forgot to pick up toilet paper at WorldMart on the way home from the yard, because nothing says pain in the ass like a Chief Engineer mom and a genius Civil Engineer roustabout son having to work together to build the new Constitution class ship, and then knock around together at home.

No wonder he was hanging out at that bar. : )

Date: 2013-05-30 12:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sangueuk.livejournal.com
that's an amazing scenario and I highly approve!

Date: 2013-06-03 06:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] browngirl.livejournal.com
I am wrapping my soul in this. Thank you.

Date: 2014-07-12 09:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thraesja.livejournal.com
Oh, I love this so much. From Jim's Gram being right about shiny things not to poke, to the reason he worked so hard to close the door (I'd figured it was to protect whoever eventually had to come in to properly fix things and y'know, remove his corpse, but having him trying to buy more time for survivors if it misaligned again is even better) and the microfifth harmonic and finding peace at the end...

Yeah. I love this. Thanks for writing it.


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